1."Hey do you mind coming with me to my Grandpa's funeral."
"Of course, if you need anything just let me know."
"Thanks, I just hope the we can use it to celebrate his life instead of mourning his loss."
"Don't worry I put the Fun in Funeral!"
"Actually I think i'll just go alone."
2. What did the goat say to the cow.
3. How many light bulbs does it take to break a human.
it depends on the size of their feet.
4. What weighs more a pound of salt or a pound of pepper.
5.what song perfectly sums up an A.A meeting
S.O.B by Nathaniel Rateliff
6. So a Clown and a priest walk into(THE FOLLOWING JOKE HAS BEEN DELETED BY THE SCHOOL DISTRICT OF JENKINTOWN DUE TO ITS HORRIFIC NATURE THE AUTHOR HAS LOST THE PRIVILEGE OF WRITING ON THIS BLOG WITHOUT SUPERVISION)
1.Things not to say at a wedding
So, when the divorce?
I drop kicked the flower girl through the cake.
Why did you invite me i hate both of you.
2. things from my life.
You know Sully from monsters inc. yeah my brother peed on a statue of him when I was two.
I once slept in my closet when the cleaning lady came over.
my brother once smacked a tooth out of my mouth.
I started a riot at a kid's birthday party last weekend.
I once fell down the stairs while i was eating a biscuit.
1. What has two arms but stays in the same spot.
answer: .- / -.-. .-.. --- -.-. -.-
2. Hey get someone to say P.U.C.I backwards it be will hilarious.
3. what is man's best friend?
Answer: - . .-. .-. -.-- / -... . -.-. .- ..- ... . / . ...- . .-. -.-- -... --- -.. -.-- / .-.. .. -.- . ... / - . .-. .-. -.--
4. If you're ever having a bad day always remember there is a high chance someone just got barfed on.
5. Evan thinks people who refer to themselves in the third person are weird.
6.Evan's thought of the week: Is it possible to bite a tooth in half.
7. What is neither dead or alive.
answer: Schrodinger's cat read a book once in awhile.
8... huh that's weird someone usually knocks twice by now guess no one's coming.
9. li Timmy:"hey how do you tell your crush you like them?"
1. A snail walks into a bar,the bartender captures it and donates it to science and gets nobel prize for his contributions to science.
Evan’s Codes, Riddles, and jokes.
1.What do vibrations and oxygen always kill for most people?
Answer: … .. .-.. . -. -.-. .
2. In the divorce, my husband took half the house. But it’s okay, my house is all right now.
3.“Knock knock” who's there?
Franklin Gonzalez the 13 of house O'Billy.
Franklin Gonzalez the 13 of house O'Billy who?
Stacy how many people do you know that name!
3.Jed, can you help me with something.
Sorry man I got a hundred problems my dog is sick.
Well about that I kinda accidentally killed your dog so now you got ninety-nine problems and a bit...
4.Hey guess what sharks and i don't have in common
Sharks don’t eat people on purpose.
5.What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He turned himself in because he was a danger to himself and others and wanted to get the proper medical help he needed.
7.Hey is that up dog?
whats up dog?
8.Hey what falls apart quicker an unbalanced rock tower or my confidence? …..no, i am seriously asking you a question.
9. best thing about denial is the fact that everything is just fine.
10.What is soft, round, and has a whole in the middle
A - .. --- ..- -- .... -. ..- -
What is the one joke i will never put on the blog
the .- .-. .. ... - --- -.-. .-. .- - ...
1. The letter W
2. A needle
3. The letter E
1. If a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks and a pink house is made out of pink bricks, what is a green house made of?
2. They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they?
3. How do you make the number one disappear?
1. All the people were married.
2. He fell off the first step.
3. Monkeys and donkeys.
1. What's at the end of the rainbow?
2. What has one eye but cannot see?
3. What do we see once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day?
Don't spell part backwards. It is a trap!
What do you call an academically successful slice of bread. An honor roll!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda? At least it was a soft drink!
I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I realized toucan play it that way.
Last week's riddles:
1. All 12 months
2. The bark on a tree
3. You took 2 so you have 2
This week's riddles:
1. You walk across a bridge and see a boat full of people, yet you don't see a single person. How is this possible?
2. A boy fell off a 30 meter latter, but wasn't hurt. How is this possible?
3. What two keys can't open any door?