I wouldn’t understand
That’s what they say
So do I not understand when someone is killed for being themselves?
Do I not understand when he can’t breathe?
Do I not understand when she sees her for the last time?
Do I not understand when they say goodbye?
Do I not understand?
If I don’t understand,
Why do I cry
when I find out?
If I don’t understand
Why can I see myself
as one of them?
If I don’t understand
Why do I give the people I love
a longer hug?
If I don’t understand
Why do I pretend that I’m okay
to protect my brother?
If I don’t understand
Why do I try to reach out,
to everyone I see, invisibly?
If I don’t understand
Why do I shake
with fear of the future?
No, I understand.
I understand when my parents exchange a long look
or when my grandfather flips off the news.
I understand when I look at my friend’s face
or when my teacher takes a deep breath.
I understand
more than you think I do
more than I sometimes want to.
I understand
as much as I always will
as much as I have to.
I understand that to live in this world
you have to understand
or you won’t live
how you wanted to.
Or maybe you have to live
to understand
not understand
to live.
Because sometimes
you understand,
but you don’t live.
All I know is that
I understand
more than you know I understand
more than you want me to understand
more than the world wants me to understand.