In a shopping mall shrouded in parking lots and fast food restaurants, a little girl sat inside by the Fountain. Her mother had said to her, when she was here, that whatever you wished would come true if you threw a penny in the water. With an innocent excitement, she took a penny from deep in her pocket, and held it up to her face. She closed her eyes and kissed the head looking back at her. In her mind, she wished to fly. She wanted to leave the world behind forever and fly to magical lands. She sat on her knees at the very edge of the Fountain, and she poured her wish out into the water. Quietly, to herself, she chanted, "I will fly away, I will fly today." For hours, she waited for her only wish to come true. As the sun fell in the sky, and orange light flooded into the mall, she still sat at the very edge - waiting. When the guards told her to leave, she left alone, and sat on a barren bus to her cold home.
In her dreams, she still believed she could fly. She spent the nights dancing in the sky with purple butterflies that lifted her like a magic carpet. Their silence and warmth provided her with a cure to her loneliness. But, like all slumbers it ended when morning came, and another wish sprang into her head as she slowly faded back to reality.
"I wish I could stay asleep forever," she expressed to herself.
On that Monday morning, she went on her morning routine of making her own lunch, getting dressed, and walking herself to school. No one cared about her. The little girls in the bus of her neighboring school laughed from the back as they drove past her. Adults on the sidewalk looked at her sideways when she walked by, silently judging her baggy, cheap clothes. She clutched her backpack tightly, and walked to school with a single shred of dignity that she carried with her through primary school like a baby blanket she couldn't let go off. When she arrived home everyday, no one was waiting for her. Her parents had left on a boating trip to Le Saint-Laurent some years ago, and they never returned. No one cared about her. When the social services arrived she convinced them that her parents were just out grocery shopping.
"They'll be back soon," she reassured them, as she hurried them out the door.
She didn't choose loneliness, but she welcomed it with open arms. Every afternoon, she completed her homework in her backyard, under her giant oak tree. When she was three, she had engraved two words there, which would always resonate with her. "I wish". What she had been thinking when she etched that, she will never remember, but everyday when she looked at it, it brought a new meaning. Then, the purple May butterflies flew around her in a spiral with the wind. And she simled at her tiny friends, and she wished she could join them as they flew away in a magenta haze.
Night crept up too slowly, and she hid in her mind from the loneliness outside. Every night she knelt at the foot of her bed, and she wished. Not religiously or with any careful structure, but she still hoped they would come true. She knew Reality's Limits, and she wished for a realistic hope, to grow up too soon. Then, she could start with a clean slate in another town! How beautiful that sounded to her.
And, time did pass too soon. Twenty years passed by, filled with the same routine and tattered emotions. But, she still held the Baby Blanket close to her. Every night, she wished at the foot of her bed. Nothing had changed, except the bed had shrunk, but her pondering thoughts had not. The barn she called home had a grimy red exterior, and a deteriorating brown roof. Previously white trim adorned the edges, now a pasty beige. At the top of the roof a fence-less lookout sat outside the barn's only dormer. There she spent her mornings adoring the purple butterflies in the sky.
And, that woman is me. All of my memories come to realization in a haze. No one cared about that girl. No one cares about me.
Today, I walked out onto the rooftop deck, and memories of lonely childhood nights and lost Baby Blankets flooded into my mind. Then, a thought wandered into my head. It walked in casually as if it was unsure of entering. But, it came in time. Nothing has changed since I was a child. The thought of flying away still lingered, but it's reality dwindled with the pass of time. What was I waiting for? If I jumped would the butterflies catch me?
Have I reached Reality's Limit? Will the butterflies carry me into the sky where I belong? Will they protect me with blankets of warmth and dignity? Can I push Reality's Limit?
As I stood on the edge, a purple haze of butterflies flew forming a colorful tornado in the bright blue sky. Their spiral of shades slowly whirled toward the barn of which I lived. As the butterfly tornado approached, I sighed with relief. Slowly, I raised my arms out to my sides, and I closed my eyes. In my mind, I counted the seconds of defeat until I would be swept away. By the time it came, I had gone blank, and I flew up in the air with the defeat of stolen memories and lost innocence. Quietly in the air, I chanted repeatedly to my captors, but most importantly to myself, "I will fly away, I will fly today. I will fly away, I will fly today." And, at last, I vanished within the clouds - shrouded in purple hope and dignity long gone.
Sincerely,
A Credulous Woman