in my
left
why?
i’m afraid-
i’m always afraid.
i berate myself, i barrage myself-
constantly-
With
furious accusations, scathing notes-
i’m failing myself, i’m falling behind, but-
still, it comes.
late at night,
knock. knock. knock. But even when i don’t answer the door, it comes in.
… into my mind, creeps
crossing neutrons, entangling the wires
that enable me to process, rationalize and realize
Like a real person.
really?
tell me more.
please, please, you sweet child, dither on!
snares
me in its mousetrap, mindtrap-
and i only understand the fear-
the state-
after the fact.
talks to me,
soothingly,
for why else,
would i prove so susceptible?
i can’t see it.
Feel its presence - there - just over my shoulder!
creeping across my back:
around my neck, cool, comforting, whispering words like bittersweet venom-
Over my face.
I wear a countenance of fear.
do you see it,
when i look away?
when i refuse to look into your eyes?
Do You?
i see it, child. i see it, too.
and perhaps what i dread the most,
The hidden truth behind all the terror at night, is this:
The night is the truth.
The fear is what’s right,
in my universe.
and i have been powerless all along.
I clutch the sun,
To block out something which hides in me.
i am fear.
Do you see it, now?
Do you?
Do you see the truth?
i see…
i see…
hello?