At first glance, it may seem like a Star Wars rip off but it's actually based on a comic book that Star Wars drew some inspiration from. Just look at the Millenium Falcon it looks just like the ship from Valarian. Anyway, this is a review here's my scoring system the 3 categories are story, effects, and characters with a maximum of 3 out of 3 then I add it up. Let's start with story. It starts with a fake looking planet where fake looking aliens make fake looking armadillo lizards shed pearls into a funnel thing until a fake looking explosion destroys everything and one of the aliens explodes into blue stuff. We then cut to the two main characters Cardboard and Sandpaper (they have names I just don't care). Cardboard does not have a personality, Sandpaper is a shoot first have character traits later kinda person. They go to a VR pocket dimension market which is pretty cool where they save some of the fake looking aliens iĺl call them Fakeliens who are negotiating with a fat goblin with six nostrils for an armadillo lizard. Cardboard breaks in and takes the armadillo and runs while being chased by a Pokeḿon. After a quick car chase, the two leads meet up with an obviously evil old man with his giant robot bodyguards who tell them to blow a drone of the fakeliens who recaptured the armadillo in a space fight cardboard get's blown up to another planet so Sandpaper finds some big jellyfish that tells her where cardboard is by wearing it and fighting off some elephant seals. After Cardboard is saved Sandpaper is captured by demonic Pillsbury doh boys who force her to wear a dress and give food to their king. Cardboard hires a shapeshifter who's as ugly as her acting is terrible she's also Rihanna for a while. Cardboard and Rihanna disguise as one of the doh boys and decapitate the King. with that filler out of the way the two go back to the ship and find a weird portal thingy which reveals that the Fakeliens need the Armadillo to make pearls for their survival and that that the blue stuff from the opening went in Cardboard to make him help them. This doesn't please the old guy because he blew up the fake looking planet so he sends his robots and they're completely useless, disappointing. The Fakeliens are restored the old guy is killed and everyone lives happily ever after except the audience. The story is nothing but padding one partner saving the other than a man being wrongfully murdered (he blew up the planet to win a long war) I give it a 1. The effects are awful you can always tell its CGI and the creatures are just uninspired 1/3. The characters are boring and I hated basically all of them 1/3. FINAL SCORE: 3/9
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
February 2023
Categories |