Staring out the window.
Another place, another time.
Scene after scene, do you see them too?
Bikes left on the curb. Leaves of trees rustling.
The soundtrack of our childhood.
Frolicking through the grass,
Hand in hand, side by side
Never to leave, never to forget.
Always together, stronger as one.
The landscape of leaving.
Promises shattered on the floor.
Collecting the shards, trying to make them fit.
How did they fit? How did they fit?
Looking over shoulders,
Fading out of sight.
Mismatched attempts to stay as we were.
Vows, promises, so many empty words.
Keeping us tied.
A lifeline. Writing everything we wish to say out loud.
One day, one day.
A surprise phone call.
Laughter, tears, “You must be kidding!”
The joy in your voice when I said I was making no jokes.
Do you remember too?
The almost rain.
Black and purple fabric flying behind as we ran.
Colors under a bridge.
Reveling in the togetherness, longed for for so long.
Cars. Leaving again.
Harder than before, now we knew what followed.
Letters, more this time.
Promises made and promises kept.
The string holding us together thickened to rope.
We grew strong again.
Our thoughts, fears, joys. Words upon words.
Weaving hundreds of one-page stories.
Meant to keep, meant to send.
Stronger than ever.
Never apart, not really
My hourglass, it cracked,
But it's my life,
Spilling out, It blows over like sand.
Its broken bonds reform.
Just like a clock,
And as the hand ticks down,
It slowly fades away.
And with that,
All pain and sadness fade away,
I'd love to wash it away.
For now, I'll see you off.
And as I wait for a new day,
I WISH I WAS "THERE"
Footsteps hard, pounding, punishing the pavement. Breaths fast and frantic, arms akimbo, limbs leaden, yet the woman pushed forwards with remarkable speed. Hair limp and straggly, cold gray eyes cast down, her mouth pursed in a thin, chapped line, she bashed her way through the throng on the city streets. Passers-by might not have noticed her, in her business suit and pumps, the speckles of spaghetti sauce still spattering her collar, a napkin peeking from her pocket bearing the insignia of one of the many high-class dining restaurants in the commercial district. She did not notice them but remained trapped in her mind while her body morphed into that of an animal, clawing and bashing to evade the crowds, seeking isolation and freedom. Within her mind, her memories pounded like a drum, like a code, whispering the secrets of her misery to only her.
There had been candlelight. A fine white cloth, gleaming silverware, plates laden with rich, fancy foods. The man in the suit across from her, angular face tilted, bearing a jack-o-lantern smile. He had made her laugh.
But she had had work to do, that morning, and so she had arrived late to their lunch date, still in work clothes, hand stained with ink. He waited patiently, eyes dark and thoughtful, had led her to their table. They had chatted, and she smiled, and he smiled back. He let out a loud laugh and did not care when the other diners laid down their cutlery to stare. His laugh was velvet, a fog bank - roiling and rich. Hers was the tinkle of shattering glass.
But their food was late as well, and she had gulped it down, fearing a late return to the office, while he nibbled and gazed away. They had chatted about business, and idle things, quick and friendly banter. Friendly. She had thought they were friends.
And then their check was late, and he had offered to pay. She had thanked him, smiling quickly.
And then he had offered to pay for everything, from now on, and from his pocket he had drawn a box. A ring. A ruby ring.
Her heart had plunged out of her body, into the abyss, as she had whispered to him, mortified, told him the truth. That they could never marry because he was her friend, nothing more. That she was already in love with someone else and it was not him, was not even his gender. That he had assumed too much. That he had waited too late to ask her. Until he was already plunging in love. He had assumed her love, until it was too late.
The pain, the betrayal, the fury. The plate of spaghetti, splattering across the floor. That furious face, blazing and raging like a jack-o-lantern turned dark, sadistic. How she had hurried away, hearing those shouts in her ears, furious and fast, until she was out the door and into the pulsing, clamoring street.
Now, her eyes burned with unshed tears. Fury, rage, and grief clawed within her, threatening to break free, to erupt in a violent explosion of human longing, human love. Human heartbreak.
She had rushed into love too early, in the past. She was still alive. But this time.. her heart churned, lungs whispering feebly for air that seemed just out of their reach.
This time, everything was too late.
Once upon a time there was darkness. There was a princess who watched over all the creatures who lived in the darkness. Her name was Moon. She was the only source of light in the darkness, though she did not feel it in her heart. Her skin beamed, but her soul was empty and lost. She was not sure why this was, but she was glad to give light to her creatures, even if she did not have any for herself. The creatures of the darkness appreciated her light, but were quiet and liked to hide.
Once upon a time there was life. There was a princess who watched over the creatures of the light. Her name was sun. She beamed with light from the center of her soul and through her chest and her arms and out through her skin. During the day, it was bright; there were bright happy colors and creatures jumped around her land with joy. During the night she slept, but her soul still beamed with light and happiness.
In the darkness, the Moon watched over her creatures as normal. It was a quiet night, and her creatures did not need much attention, so she looked up at the dark sky. Then, in the distance, she saw her. She was light too, except much, much brighter. “The light must be coming from her heart” she thought. She thought back to her bright skin, the only light in the dark sky. She had figured out where the light came from. It made her sad; the light was not her own, but simply reflected by the strange girl in the sky, who was beaming with light from the center of her soul.
One sleepless night, the Sun looked around the sky in boredom. She saw something in the distance, or someone rather. She noticed her looking back, staring. She looked sad. Her light was dull and shallow. She wanted to help. Sun sent a ray of her golden light over to the girl to say hello. She smiled, but it only lasted a moment.
Startled, Moon looked up. She saw this wisp of golden light. It was beautiful; she smiled. Though, she quickly figured out where it came from. She looked back at the girl smiling, but soon became jealous and went back to her usual expression. Still, the girl smiled back. “My name is Sun” she said cheerfully. “I’m Moon” she replied. That was the beginning.
Soon, Sun and Moon became the best of friends they talked and laughed. Moon was happy, she loved Sun, and Sun loved her back. Slowly but surely, Moon gained her own light. Unfortunately, this was a burden for her creatures. They liked the darkness and complained that it was too bright. The Moon made a hard decision, but released her light in pieces into the sky. She named them stars, and they twinkled and shined. She decided to make a sacrifice knowing the Sun had enough love for the both of them to fill her soul with light.
However, I am not plain
I wear bright blue skirts and yellow shirts
And watch you say my name
Words knock the life out of me
Grin makes me cry
Say you don’t care about me
So why did you come tonight?
I read your poems
The messages and words never sent
I saw my name hidden beneath the black colored rant
You say that you’re over me
You say you don’t care
But you cry over little things
Am I really still there?
Would I really still care?
If you needed me there.
But my darling I am Outcast
Because I am strong
I fight for my happiness
I cry when it’s done
So next time you message me
Even If it’s to start a fight
I will respond with “You’re right”
And turn off the lights
Leaving all memories behind.
As it fell I knew it was the end.
As it fell I had to face the worst.
As it fell my life fell apart...
I cried for her
I cried for me
I cried for our whole family
She wasn’t something
I was willing to
But I had no choice
No one knew
Which way her life would go
I couldn’t take the room no more
So I sat alone on the bench in the hallway
I thought of every moment we had
From birthdays to holidays
You never missed one
So I sat alone on the hallway bench
And so scared
I walked back in
I sat with her
I waiting with her
That’s when it fell
I watched that ring fall
And her heart stopped beating
I ran to grab the ring before
I was forced out
That was the last I saw her alive
But I have the ring on now
I’ll always have it on
Next to all my other rings
But this one matters the most
Engraved inside it read:
Stay strong, I love you
I’ll never forget the smile on her face
When I gave it to her
And she sure did
Today my lips are sealed
Words closed off from the world
No more expressing how I feel
They seem to think I'm "bold"
The water keeps on falling
The lights are bright and high
But today is the day
When I forget how to cry
Once before my lips have closed
But triggered by a massive fear
That the world would surely hate me
That my voice would not be clear
But as she pushed me down and picked me up
My silence was so loud
So this is the day I WILL make the decision,
to finally have no sound.
I sit outside the empty palace
The palace that helped a family grow
This palace that a family loved each more than anything
A palace where there was always smiles
I’m set outside this palace
I try to think of what it would be like now
It’s starts to drizzle out
I sit outside the empty palace
The palace that helped my family grow
This palace where we loved each other more than anything.
A palace where we always smiled
I’m set outside this palace that I called home
And I start to cry
Now my palace is empty
No father to teach me to work
No mother to comfort me on the couch
No brother play with me
Now it’s just me
The palace where a family had money
The palace where a family had everything
The palace with a family grateful for all of it
The palace where our money was happiness
The palace where everything was family
The palace where that was all we needed
This palace all I call home
This palace was my everything
This old beaten done house I call home
This old beaten done house I wish was still my everything
In my heart this old beaten done house is my palace.
It's like a waterfall that has trouble falling.
It's like wind that doesn't blow.
The feeling runs deep inside your body and flows through your bloodstream.
Some call it woe
As his hands wrap around your heart.
As he takes it in his hands.
His fingers wrap around it.
This kind of love should be banned.
This feeling won't last forever
The sun and the moon say
But my heart still feels heavy
My stomach still feels drained
I think I have a name for it
It's definitely not woe
They say this feeling won't last forever
Some say to never let it show
Heartbreak...this feeling is heartbreak.
My figure radiated insignificance, terror. Yet, clutching a blade black as the witching hour, the passion raging through my veins gave me the courage to raise my head. Slowly, inch by inch, I thrust my chin up, until my eyes locked onto the visage of evil incarnate.
That was what they called me, long ago. But I wasn’t a monster. I was a girl.
The creature, emaciated, skeletal, glowered at me - its legs little more than bones, stray bits of flesh dripping off, tattered, still encrusted with specks of blood. Its ribs and hips plunged outwards, the sallow skin wrapped around it sagging like a blanket loved to tatters. The shroud strewn across its pallid body personified frozen tundra - blank, perfect white, illuminating the decayed yellow of its fingers all the more clearly. And it’s face…
I was only a little girl - a raven-haired child whose days were enhanced by joy, innocence, before I understood the dark place the world could be. I dreamed of heroes in brash, bold colors, shivered at the fearsome, feral beasts lurking in the dark. At the end of the day, I raced into the warm, rose-scented arms of the person who loved me unconditionally.
I was just a girl.
Its skull, as I watched, crumbled on upon itself, bit by bit, bone softening, flaking away like plaster until only half of the head remained, the rest a cool, carved dish. Strands of oily onyx tresses shivered away into the darkness with the skull.
The monster’s throat contorted as a pig -like squeal swelled from its throat. It mourned the loss of its hair.
Empty eye sockets blazed towards me, faint traces of red glazing their edges.